Vampires Plus Coffee Equals?
by VeggieVamp
Summary: Extremely random one shot story. Read only if you have a lot of time on your hands. If you have a phobia of wasting your life, don't read this. :


**Vampires Plus Coffee Equals…?**

**(Author's Note: Yes, I'm planning to make this one shot. The problem is I've already got several Twiligth fanfics going and school and swimming is all so hectic. I'm like so stressed! But I had to write this, so read and review! This is post Breaking Dawn.)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters.**

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Rosalie was lounging on the leather couch, flipping through a fashion magazine. She was scoffing at all the plain looking humans and looking at herself in a gigantic mirror at the same time. Suddenly, Carlisle burst through the door, calling out for a family meeting.

"What is it?" Rosalie whined, "Can we do this later? I want to look at myself in the mirror Emmett bought me."

"You just bought a mirror five minutes ago on Ebay," Bella pointed out, snuggling into the spot beside Edward.

"Yeah, but it's snail mail." Rosalie made a face.

Meanwhile, million of miles away, a tiny snail was dying of exhaustion from dragging the large, diamond studded mirror. Maybe I should take a break, it thought. But we don't care about the random snail so let's get back to our story.

"This is an absolute emergency," Carlisle stated in his serious voice.

"The Volturi are coming?" Edward shrieked, grabbing Bella right away. "Hurry, everybody! Into the Volturi Shelter! Let's see, we'll need canned blood, a flashlight and batteries. Oh, where's the vampire attack kit? I need that too. My dear Bella! The time is upon us to say our goodbyes! I shall now quote from some dead guy's tragedy!" He cried dramatically.

"No need to get all human, Edward," Carlisle reassured him. "It's worse."

"Who broke my mirrors?" Rosalie growled. In her opinion, that was much worse than a visit from the Volturi. She ground her teeth as she glowered at every one of them.

"It's worse than that too," Carlisle assured her.

"The Yankees lost again?" Emmeett roared, standing up.

"Worse."

"They sold out of Vampire Razors and now I'll have to cut myself with werewolf claws?" Jasper asked, looking terrified as he ran his fingers through his hair, now dyed black.

"Much, much worse." And with a serious face, Carlisle informed them, "Alice got her hands on some caffeine."

Instant uproar. Rosalie shrieked, Edward gasped and hugged Bella closer to him, Jasper groaned and buried his head, Emmett looked scared. Bella, of course, had no idea what was going on. She hadn't been a member of the family long enough to remember the caffeine episodes.

"Will somebody tell me what's going on?" She screamed over the noise, but she didn't need to ask because the door burst open all of a sudden and Alice sprang in, looking absolutely deranged.

"I'm HOME!!!" She sang and she threw a llama, yes a llama, into the room. "Isn't he prettiful? I BOUGHT HIM ON EBAY!" She sprang onto a couch and attacked Jasper to the ground.

"JAZZY!!!!" The little freak screamed and started hugging her soul mate to death, or close to that anyways.

"Help!" Jasper whimpered while trying to push Alice off of him. Alice leaped off and ran up to Rosalie. The blonde took one look at her sister's face, then ran out of the room, waving her arms up and down and screaming at the top of her lungs.

"Carly, Carly, Carly, Carly! Guess what?" Alice yelled again as she danced around Carlisle, who for once in his life, did not remain calm and had panic written all over his face.

"Um, what is it Alice? And please don't call me that."

"BELLA TOOK ME TO STARBUCKS THIS MORNING AND BOUGHT ME A LARGE ESPRESSO!!!!" She screamed, pointing at Bella who shook her head frantically.

Every other vampire in the room turned to glare at Bella except for Alice who was still singing loudly and bouncing off the walls literally.

"Darling! How could you?" Edward accused loudly, eyeing Alice who was now laughing maniacally on the floor.

"I swear I didn't. I had to run some errands at the mall so I took Alice with me and…" Bella paused, seeming to remember something, "OH NO! It's true! I think she must have slipped away to Starbucks while I filled out the insurance for that new sports car YOU bought me."

Everybody now glared at Edward instead who backed away slowly.

"I'm going to…er…take Bella to…er…hunt now," He chuckled nervously before grabbing Bella and fleeing from the house.

Emmett, Jasper and Carlisle remained, wondering where Esme was and slightly jealous because wherever she was, it had bound to be better than being trapped in the same building as a psycho.

"Oh gee, I wonder where Rosalie went. I better go er…check on her to make sure she doesn't steal a mirror for some innocent child," Emmett stuttered before running off too. Carlisle flinched nervously before following him.

"Our plan worked!" Alice laughed, suddenly normal again. Jasper gave her a small grin.

"I did some pretty good acting back there, didn't I?" He asked, giving Alice a swift kiss.

"You sure did, Jazz. We were so diabolical! Now we have the house all to ourselves!"

But their brilliant plan didn't complete work out because Esme suddenly burst from a door upstairs, giggling crazily and tripping down the stairs. "Alice! Jasper! Let's dance!" She giggled again as she bounced up and down.

"Um, Esme? If you wanted to be alone with Carlisle, I think he ran to Vancouver," Jasper pointed out, one arm still around Alice's waist.

Esme just laughed harder as she started throwing pillows at the wall, making dents in them.

"Jasper, we have a real problem," Alice whimpered, "I think she's ACTUALLY high on caffeine!"

"Uh-oh, what do we do now?" Jasper asked, giving the crazy Esme another scared look.

"One word. RUN!"

**THE END**


End file.
